Turning nocturnal once again. I've been waking up really late again and this has me procrastinating on my laundry. I'm always afraid that if I wait until late at night to do it the noise from the machines will keep somebody awake. But, perhaps I'll get it done today. I should take a bath today. I want to dye my hair bleach blond and bought some dye to do that with. Got to wait for my eye to heal up completely before I expose myself to harsh chemicals. I've been wearing the same yoga pants and shirt for days. The only thing I've bothered changing is under wear. This is partly to do with the fact that all of my clothes are dirty and I haven't gotten around to washing them. What's more boring to do then laundry?
Sometimes I feel a bit fatigued, and end up watching a lot of programs on the internet. Yesterday I finished watching those 'Crimes of Passion' true crime episodes on cbc.ca. As a true crime fan I had to watch them, and the are all murders which took place in Canada in the 90's. At least most of them seemed to be from the 90s. Sometimes some of the facts of the cases kind of escapes your mind and are forgotten after watching them. There used to be another Canadian crime show called 'Canadian Case Files' which I used to watch when I had sattelite. It seemed these 'Crimes of Passion' episodes were maybe done on a lower budget.
Now I am watching 'Little Mosque On The Prairie', but I keep falling asleep. It's now 8:07 PM and I think I should be awake for a few more hours. Probably should try to get some stuff done. Maybe drink more coffee. I've been sleeping hours and hours. I don't know if would want to fall asleep again. I think I sleep so much because my body's trying to catch up for all those manic episodes of being awake for 3 days on a frequent enough basis when I was in my 20s. The summer I was 17 was the first time I had a 3 day period of insomnia. I had also stopped eating for three days and remember that my tightest jean didn't require as much effort to zip up. I kissed a boy for the first time over those 3 days. Then at the end of it I was reading Leonard Cohen poems out on the platform on the beach and it was a magical moment. It was especially magickal because I read that poem 'Suzanne' and it takes place near the water.
The year I was 17 I guess I had a few problems with my moods and may have got suicidal, but a lot of teenagers get angst ridden like that. I know I did start seeing a psychiatrsit though. I don't always like writing about certain years in my life with people I'd like to forget in them. But, I did mention yesterday about the time I swallowed a bottle of tylenol. It was over some stupid argument on the phone with my former best friend. It was a really ridiculous argument and it shouldn't have prompted anyone to swallow a bottle of tylenol in a suicide attempt. Aimee called me on the phone and wanted to meet up right then and I told her to give me an hour. She argued with me over it and went on to say I wasn't spontaneous. Then for some reason I felt moved to take the bottle of tylenol and swallow it all right in front of my mother. I remember it because I was starting a co-op placement at a craft store and so my mother didn't call it in to the hospital. I was kind of resentful that my mother didn't call the hospital about it because it made me feel like she didn't care about me, but then she thought it wasn't something worth missing my first day at a co-op placement for.
I don't know why a stupid argument would fuel that reaction and don't really blame Aimee for it. But, I really think she's a most unhealthy friend to have and that's why I hexed her back when I was 27 or 28. Actually, my friend who used to go by the screen name 'Satan Honors Me' put the curse on her and it worked. I view my former best friend as a more socially acceptable version of Karla Holmolka and do hope to never have to speak to her again in my lifetime. Maybe in my next life time we will meet out and fight out our karmic debts, but before then would be much too soon. 'In our next lifetime when we are both cats'. That's from that 'Vanilla Sky' movie Tom Cruise did.
The rest of my lifetime is reserved for myself and I am not going to sit through anymore bull crap. There are probably lots of my enemies who are just as fed up with me as I am with them. Some of the people I never hope to speak to haven't even done much more than simply annoy me, so it's easy to get onto the 'people I wish to avoid' list. All of my ex-boyfriends are on there, though I unfortunately live in the same as one. That relationship never got anywhere close to being serious, so I just am able to push it all out of my mind. I have no interest in getting back together with him or anything. He did come to my door recently to buy a pack of smokes off me, but we barely spoke.
I just try to keep people off my mind for the most part and try to block out any annoying psychic vibes I get. But, I haven't really been getting a lot of psychic vibes this week. I've just been mellow and kind of focused on my own reading. Just trying to study and learn all that I wish to know. There's a lot of stuff to learn if you seriously want to be an occultist and live your life calling yourself a Satanic High Priestess. I've got a hell of a lot of stuff to memorize and learn about. I know that many of you already believe me to be a wealth of information on occultism, but the least I can do is to continue to build on that knowledge.
Anyway, I've got errands to run and baths to take and all. Hail Satan.
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