I am still getting the bad vibes even though I tried to lock my profile up tighter than the ass of a small caucasian male. Bad people roam in my head, but I just picked up my book on Pagan Astrology and got it all off my mind. I hate how these people float in my head when I could be using my mental abilities to come up with ideas of utter brilliance. Life doesn't always need to be dark and hateful. Bad vibes. Bad people. I'm going to do another ritual to neutralize all anger an energy with me and a bunch of a bad brood. It's bad vibes, and I am the sort of person who likes any sort of 'vibes' to begin with.
Saturn grinding down on my bones and forcing me to clamp at the bit. Fuck Saturn. What I need is martial power. Mars is the power. Though I was just reading about how we should think of Saturn as a teacher in the martial arts. Why should Saturn usurp the throne of a role which obviously belongs to Mars? I wish I had my natal Mars in a less wimpy sign than Cancer, but what can I do? It not a wonder I have such difficulty asserting myself at times.
There are lots of inconsistency in the sorts of things you hear about a sign like Cancer. I don't understand where the cardinal sign leadership qualities comes from when it is a sign known for retreating. But, then I don't quite understand how a passive sign like Libra also is considered to be a sign possessing the cardinal sign intiative. I can understand the leadership qualities inherent in Capricorn and Aries as cardinal signs, however.
But, who knows if this astrology business is true. I just study it a lot because I am drawn to it. Been making charts almost everyday lately. Following the transits of all the planets. I'm not about to predict the future on it. I've got a lot of hard aspects right now, but there are always plenty of good ones too.
I didn't like the thing in the Pagan Astrology book where he offers antidotes for coping with transits which include giving gifts to those who represent the forces at work. I do love the idea. I just think the author has gone about it all wrong. For instance, the affliction corrections he offers for Mercury involves giving gifts to somebody who writes and tries to get it published. The sign and house determine which sort of gift to give. I think the idea is interesting, but what about people who are socially isolated? Some of the affliction corrections just seem highly awkward to do. It would have been better to list out a bunch of people and things associated with Mercury and left it all a little bit more creative.But, I haven't read the whole book. I've just been reading the parts that are interesting to me. I read up on Saturn because my main magick work these days is banishing. I've got to chop it all up a little bit. I should do something that involves an element of destruction liking ripping up a piece of paper or burning it. I should release all the dead energy in the aforementioned paper. Just a scrawled out bunch of words associated with things I would like to banish. Bad feelings. Trouble. Problem people. Shit like that. All the stuff I want to go away.
I like to use the same candle over and over and let the spell gain momentum over time. I have a large black candle and everytime I annoint it and charge it with banishing oil it makes the palms of my hands black. I still have some banishing incense, but I only burnt that the first night I did my ritual. Lots of bad things to banish.
I am also doing a spell aimed at weight loss. An invocation to Venus that I found on the internet. Even put up a picture of Venus above my computer so I can worship her as she worships herself. Venus is gazing in a handheld mirror and has little white doves flying all around her. Venus, oh Venus, how we adore thee.
I got all my Samhain herbs out on my altar and I'm going to do some stuff with them. Going to be conducting some right, proper, and potent magick around here. I know that if I can just direct the flame I carry inside my heart into the exterior world powerful things can happen. God knows my enemies cause a lot of things to suddenly drop to the floor by directing their energy my way. That's what I believe anyway. Most of the time when I experience bad luck I like to blame it on people I dislike hexing me or jinxing me in whatever way they have done. I certainly don't like blaming anything on myself because I'm already trying as hard as I can to do my very best. Well, not always my best. Haven't got the sort of patience to do everything my very best. Sometimes I get really frustrated and leave a job half done.
Most people are willing to accept a job half done, unless it involves sexual intercourse or a blow job. I suppose in those circumstances people really want you to finish what you've started. With paintings, drawings, writing, and poetry it isn't always immediately obvious when a job is done. I could finish this note now, or I could go on further with more topics, subtopics, and hidden agendas. I feel so fried at the second. It's so hard to push myself to stay awake and live through the daylight. If I keep doing this I will just never interact with the normal world and I won't be getting enough exercise.
I guess I will probably just try to sleep soon. If I don't get all that I wished to do done, that is fine. There is always tomorrow. I got some stuff done in the time I was awake. I did some planning for Yule magick work with altering meditations and writing lists of herb and stone correspondences. I went through all of my coupons and listed out stuff I want to buy so I'll remember to look for it. Organized my desk drawers. Found the passport papers I need. Organized my shelves a bit. Got stuff done. I just wish I could get more done.
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