4 November 2011

Life can be a bit of a bitch at times. I can't remember what time I woke up. I think it was at 1AM this morning. Before I fell asleep I was reading that Bukowski novel I borrowed from a friend. He doesn't believe I'm reading it, but I am, albeit slowly. I have decided that I don't feel like watching movies or television these days, so I've been reading before I go to sleep again. Generally I fall asleep watching something like Law & Order, but I haven't had a taste for crime fiction or true crime for a little while now. Mona showed me some interesting videos from National Geographic when I was over at her place. When searching for those I found youtube clips from the BBC of this show called 'Tribes' and it is really very interesting. The host visited a remote tribe in Mongolia where everybody travelled by horse, but they were rather large ponies in appearance style. I think the host even referred to them as ponies.

Then there are programs where we visits tribes in places like Ethiopia. Some of them have unusual practices like the tribe which has 'lip plates'. The bigger a woman's 'lip plate', the larger amount of cattle a family would get for her marriage. Then Mona showed me a video about a mountain village, maybe in the Himalayans, where woman have 3 husbands and fewer children because there isn't enough land to be passed down if they produce too many children. Lots of odd cultures in the world which are very different from our own and I kind of like hearing about them.

The great thing about the BBC series is that the host emmerses himself in the life and rituals of the different cultures he visits. In this one video he participates in this ox jumping ritual the men undertake. I believe all of the cattle had to be either female or castrated males. There was a part when he goes alligator hunting at night with some men. And, some of these people have fierce warriors in their clans and the host just hangs out with them for a few weeks. He even took mind altering drugs in one episode so he could participate in one of the trible rituals. Great show.

I was quite depressed yesterday and I suppose I got a little bit angry and upset. Vented stuff on the internet about people who bug me. I did what I did and was crying a little before I decided to take some medication. I cancelled my appointment for a facial, to be rescheduled at a later date. I told the woman at the spa that I was feeling unwell and she was very sympathetic. It's a free try out of their spa. They are offering a free facial. Called Origins and they are on Yonge Street and you can choose between maybe 5 different facial treatments. I've been getting free stuff in the mail every day. Today I got some sort of infusium hair treatment. Yesterday I got Maxi pads. The day before that I got coffee whitener. Last week I got medicine for acid reflux, which actually comes in handy since I am often making my stomach burn from all the coffee I consume. Pretty serious addiction, but there is little in life I enjoy more than sitting, writing, smoking cigarettes, and consuming a cup of coffee. It's a hard habit to break.

I've thought about some astrology. Noticed I am critical of people from the sign of Gemini, but noticed that the ones I felt the most annoyed with both have 3 planets in the sign. There are lots of Geminis out there who don't embody so much the negative qualities of the sign. There is always many different plantary energies at force in a person's natal chart. A Gemini can also adopt some of the traits of the earthy sign of Taurus which is right next to them. Many Geminis will also have planets in Taurus and some of them are quite stable and earthy. I can think of 2 Gemini Suns I know who seemed to have a lot of earth qualities. My grandmother and an old housemate. Both very stable and nothing dualistic and flighty about either of them.

Though the Sun is currently in Scorpio many planets are already shifting into Sagittarius. Both Venus and Mercury entered Sagittarius on November the 2nd. That means that a couple of planets are opposed to Gemini right now. They also square Pisces and Virgo and can present strain there. It could very well be that this Sagittarius square to my natal Venus in Pisces made me more prone to getting upset. It would particularly attack my feelings of lovability, and perhaps my personal enjoyment. Who knows if astrology is really true and the movement of the planets actually do have an impact on life here on earth. I believe they do just because I use astrology and some of my predictions have rung true. Not in an exact way, but in a general way.

Astrology presents us with themes in our lives and often exposes us to past mythology. The planets are all named after Roman gods who can be said to be representative in how the energy of a planet manifests itself. Mars, the god of War, being a planet ruling aggression and how we assert or express our energies. Venus, A love goddess, representing pleasure, love, beauty and enjoyment. In all of our lives the concepts of astrology are exposed to us. Things like ideals, transformation, beauty, love, death, and public reknown. Astrology is a method which can help us understand the currents of the present times. In society we constantly see forces at combat with each other and an astrological perspective helps us look at the roots of many conflicts which is things being in disharmony with each other.

Harmonies are formed through positve aspects like trine, sextile, and sometimes conjunctions. Not every single conjunction is a positive force because sometimes 2 very powerful energy completely aligned with each other is not a very positive thing. The question was posed to me on a comment today that there has been a shift in the astrological signs and the ingress many western astrologers use for a planet is actually incorrect. You never know. Maybe many astrologers will revise their tools and use a different system of calculation. There are so many different types of astrology and I don't believe that these changes have to impact any calculations I make. There is heliocentric and geocentric astrology. The movement of the earth around the sun hasn't really changed and much of western astrology is based on the fixed seasons. For instance, Aries is the start of the year and thought to be an initiator and leader. Scorpio is associated with death because that is when vegetation begins the proccess of death and decay. Not all of astrology is based on the stars. As one of the priestesses at the Wiccan church always says 'don't throw the baby out with the bath water'.

Anyway, I am getting on with some computer work. All there is to do at this hour of 4 in the morning. I kind of dread the sunlight. I don't feel in the mood to exactly deal with people wight now. I know I should probably get out of the house. I still haven't put all the laundry away. Plus, I have a lot of beer cans adding up because Rick brought a bunch in exchange for a pack of smokes. Somebody who regularly forgets to pay me asked to get smokes on the cuff and I said no. I get so little money and I really do have to make the most of it. It's not worth it if I have to go without at the end of the month. It's not my duty to supply people with free cigarettes just because they spent all their cash on booze. Let them suffer the consequence of their actions. I've got 1 person to take care of right now and her name is Lydia Workman. But, I let some people cuff cigarettes who consistently pay me back and sometimes throw in extra money for being so late.

I have to start thinking about the voyages I want to take over the winter. I have a few different places I want to visit, though I'm not sure how long these great prices are going to be on for. I have the assumption that they will still have good deals after this promotion is over. The promotion only says that they have seats for as low as $10, and they do. I plan to visit Montreal in November. I am just waiting for this $50 VISA card in the mail and it is my belief that this card will eventually come because it's from a reputable marketing research company. Some marketing research companies aren't as good as others. I've signed up for maybe 10 different sites and the profits from some take absolutely forever to get. Some of the sites I sometimes wonder if they are even worth my time at all. Some sites only send a few surveys a month or you need a ridiculous number of points to cash out. Web perspectives is a good one and I have made about $200 with them over the course of a year. I haven't the vaguest idea of how much money I actually get from doing surveys. I just know it's nice to get a $20 cheque in the mail. One site sends $5 cheques and another $10 cheques. It's really not a hell of a lot of money. I just do it so I'll have money when I need it.

My approach is to just keep myself open to various avenues of getting a few bucks here and there. There are the smokes and soft drinks. Even if people sometimes pay in beer cans, it does mean I have a little bit of money when I need it. The freebies I get to help me stretch certain purchases further or try something new. The coupons to cut down on overall spending. Then visiting the food bank kind of helps. Anyway to help myself stay afloat being the sort of person who can't seem to adjust to normal moods and sleep cycles.

As I get in this lifestyle I really feel that it would be so hard to go back to telemarketing or customer service. I've got a fine art diploma and it's not like I qualify for any job other than sales or customer service. I certainly couldn't see myself working in most retail environments. I can get really moody and bite a customers head off or at least snap at them sometimes. I hate it when I see myself get that way. Sometimes I feel so much like a trapped animal in certain environments and I instinctively snap like a rabid dog. I find when my asthma acts up my personality can shift to kind of snarly. Though my mom used to always say she could tell when I was coming down with the flu because I'd turn into a more affectionate person.

But, I don't see any reason to put myself under emotional strain in a job when it's probably not going to pay off for me in the long run. Anything I would get would be low paying. I certainly couldn't wake up and be someplace every single day for 9AM. My rent would double. You get a much better deal on rent when you are on a disability pension. If I was off disability for long enough I wouldn't receive free drugs, dental, and optical. I'd probably have to work much harded and receive much less for my efforts. Plus, I tend to have a habit of spending more money when I am working. I go to Starbucks every single day. I need bus fare. I end up being out around book shops where I can easily spend a $50, and that's exercising restraint if I can keep it as low as $50. I don't see it as being worth it.

I think if I want to go back into the work force I will have to either go the academic route or become more adept at being a self-employed person. I just need to find ways to get greater fruit for my labours. I could take up jewelry making and sell stuff on ebay. I'm kind of trying to learn that right now. Most of the time I think my approach to just using my time to pusue my interests works better for me. Nothing wrong with that.